i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
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