explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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