It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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