Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Soap is not a condiment
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
