the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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