booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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