First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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