I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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