Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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