I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
