I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
