How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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