She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
