forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
