she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
