that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
