he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
How many fucks given?
0.12846
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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