y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
