I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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