Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
