Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
