I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
