I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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