i just wanna soil my oats bro
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
