I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
