Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
So squirting runs in the family.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
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