i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
They are going to name an STD after you.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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