Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Randomize
