so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
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