I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
