I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Sext me about skeletons
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
