..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
