No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
