How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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