I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
