I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
Randomize
