Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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