I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
