I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
