the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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