If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
