On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My liver is preforming stress tests.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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