bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
