How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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