I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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