We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
