So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Just fell off a train. Bad.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
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