I hate your face
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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