The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
