I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
