I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Randomize
