my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
