Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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