I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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