so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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