Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
