woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
