I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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