1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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