He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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