Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
