new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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